“So I hear you’re not breastfeeding.”
1. How you feed your baby.
“She doesn’t breastfeed. Probably because she cares more about how her breasts look than her baby!”
“She still breastfeeds the baby and he’s 18 months old. That’s just sick!”
“They only give her that pacifier because they don’t want to hear her cry. I hope it’s worth all the dental bills!”
3. Your work status.
“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t let someone else raise my kid for me.”
“I would be so bored. I mean, really, what do they do all day?”
4. Potty training.
“Did you hear? He’s still not potty trained. Even after they gave him all those M&Ms.”
5. What you feed your kid.
“Their poor kids live on mac and cheese and chicken nuggets. They’ll probably have high blood pressure by high school!”
“Their poor kids are forced to eat nothing but organic vegetables. No wonder they only want sugar at my house!”
6. Letting your kid play on a tablet or cell phone.
“They’ve turned their kids into little zombies with those things! Pathetic!”
7. How you educate your kids.
“They’re sending their kids to that public school. They’re never going to learn anything.”
“They’re sending their kids to that private school. They’re never going to learn anything.”
“They’re homeschooling their kids. They’re never going to learn anything.”
9. The activities you let your kid participate in.
“Tackle football in grade school? They better hope he doesn’t snap his neck!”
“A boy in ballet? They better hope he doesn’t get his butt kicked!”
10. Letting your kid watch TV.
“They let them watch so much TV their brains have probably turned to mush!”
“I can’t believe they don’t own a TV. Their kids are going to be the weirdos at school who don’t know who Spongebob is.”
11. Using a leash on your kid.
“They treat their kid like a dog!”
“People who use disposable diapers are so selfish. This isn’t just your world, you know!”
“They act like they’re Al Gore using those cloth diapers, but they’re screwing up the environment just as much with all the extra loads of wash they have to do!”
13. When your kid reaches milestones.
“Can you believe that baby isn’t walking yet?”
14. Taking photos.
“Why can’t he just put down the camera down and enjoy the moment?”
“He never takes any photos of his kids. When they’re grown-up they’ll hardly know they had a childhood!”
15. Your kid’s behavior.
“He’s so out of control. You know they don’t discipline him.”
“She’s so quiet. You know they don’t pay enough attention to her.”
17. Post-baby weight.
“She’s already lost all the weight and her baby isn’t even three months. It’s like she cares more about how she looks than the baby!”
“She’s still calling it her baby weight. Um, her kid is five.”